Ahhh...to be young...and poor!

I just came back from spending 2 and a 1/2 hours with my wonderful enrolled tax agent, Joe. With the exception of his smoky house and the bad news he often gives me, I enjoy seeing him once a year. That seems to be the only time we hang out. We catch up, listen to Rod Stewart and drink coffee as he plugs all my $$ info into his computer.

Seeing as both my husband and I are self-employed the news is rarely good.

I was just thinking about my "carefree days" and I realized that I have always had too little money ....sigh. It hasn't stopped me from having some amazing adventures. For that I am very grateful!!

This is back when I was trolling around San Francisco with my gal pal, Michele.

Sassy, ain't I?

Hope you are surviving tax season. Good luck and keep your chin up!

Okay...a little obsessed.

It's Monday morning and I am a bit out of sorts. In truth, I am deep in envy-mode. Not good. I went to the theatre last week - was treated actually - thanks Diane! - to see a revised staged production of Sweeney Todd. This is a really incredibly stark and moving re-do of a personal favorite. This show holds a place in my heart as it was the first Broadway show I ever experienced. I was 16 years old and in New York for the first time, travelling with a singing group. Seeing that a new Sondheim show was in production I eagerly bought a ticket. (I would love to remember how much I paid for a ticket then!) If I recall, the other production I saw was the revival of West Side Story. Funny how it's been revived again and currently on B'way, at this posting.

Anyway, back to the story. I do not recall attending with anyone else but then again it was few years ago. It was an amazing evening, I do recall. The music was intoxicating, frightening and a bit mysterious. And a bit over my head, if truth be told. A WOW all around. The set, the costumes, the ominous factory whistle and ...yes...the blood.

So - jumping forward some 30 years....gulp! Here I am again, sitting in the audience second row center, to see this amazing show and I am ...again....blown away. This time I am watching 10 actors on stage, playing the complicated score themselves (no pit!) hurling the characters through this wild ride.

I was so taken by it that I had to write mini fan notes to two of the actresses - via Facebook! Gotta love that! (Ruthie, if you are reading this..yes I did lift these photos from your page. No, I am not a stalker ...okay, maybe a bit of a "creeper"..;)

My point is...I miss it. I miss the grittiness of an intense show. At this moment, I am sitting at my desk, drinking coffee, checking email, getting ready to do my normal Monday trip to the hospital for Mom's chemo day...and I am daydreaming. I am envious because these girls - all a good 20 years younger than me - get the chance to step on the stage this week and present this material.

Back in my college days, I had a similar experience. One of my professors got a call from the Production Manager for Barry Manilow. (He was still pretty big in the early 80's.) His concert required a choir for one of his numbers and so, in every city, the Production dude recruited from universities. We showed up and rehearsed with the music director and the back up singers. The guy kept reminding us to keep focused on him...not on Barry. On him, not on Barry.

"No problem", we all thought.... We were "serious musicians" and not given to fawning over pop singers..... The music director kept saying.."watch me for cut offs... tempo, etc. Do not watch Barry".

Alright already!

So the evening comes and we are seated in the audience for the first half of the show. Then intermission and we head backstage. The once empty Green Room is now a sea of food and drink fit for a king. We dress in the choir robes provided and line up. The lights go down and we walk out onto the circular stage as 22,000 screaming fans respond. We are now some 5 feet from Mr. Manilow himself and our eyes are glued on him. HEY THAT'S BARRY MANILOW!

Tearing our eyes off the Musical Icon we watch the director, trying to remember that we are "serious musicians" with a job to do. (If I recall, I think they paid the choir to be there as we were fund raising to go to the U.K. that year...)

The overwhelming feeling, that next day was envy and a longing. I was going to class and Barry was heading to Cincinnati for another amazing concert in front of thousands of screaming fans. I don't think it's the idea of being adored with applause that got me ( gets me this morning). It's the idea that you are involved in a piece of art. That you are "working" at your craft and getting the chance to trot it out again and work through the process of presenting it to an audience. That, to me, is the draw. This is the source of my envy, this morning.

This group of actors hit the stage and remain there for the entirety of the show - an unusual thing in a theatrical production. The mood of the show is intense and ..more intense. It's terribly exciting, I feel, to be that "in the moment" for that length of time.

It is for all those reasons that I am having a hard time this morning. I am missing a bit of "intensity" today. Sigh.

Okay, enough on that.

Have a good day, everyone. (And if there is some intensity in it..enjoy!)

Hello World!

I am loving Facebook! I know I have harped on this in several entries... but I do! I love that folks from my past have searched me out! WOW! Cool! You wonder, at times, the impact on others lives. It's the "Wonderful Life" Syndrome. So true. There are faces that run through my mind on a regular basis and others that snap me to attention wondering..."Why did he/she come to mind? I haven't thought of him/her in XX years!

I sang at a funeral earlier in the week. I did not know the man who has passed but, after hearing those who loved him speak about him, it made me think that I had missed out on someone special. My mind then naturally went to what they will say at my funeral. Will I be surprised at who shows up and what they feel the need to say about me...? (Will I care at that point?)

I had a birthday, earlier this month. I consider that my real New Year. It's the often not celebrated Celia/Rose New Year and it falls every March 2nd. I have done some serious celebrating in the past several years. The Wine Tasting Lottery / Fire Ritual Howl Down Party has been a staple for the past 6 or 7 years and I have enjoyed them all. We didn't have one in 2007 because it was kinda close to our wedding date and this year...I don't know. I just didn't have the spark to do it. I guess there's just alot of negative here in Michigan and it's been a little harder to rise above it in the last several months. Sigh.

I will bring it back next year. Maybe it's time to do something different. Maybe a Mid Summers' Eve party...hmmmm? I like that.

Anyway, I am flattered to think that people are looking for me on FB. Thank you.

Next month will be the 2 year anniversary of my father's death. It's made me think about all those who have gone on before us. And WOW let's not even linger too long on the Natasha Richardson story - WHOA! Too sad.

Anyway, the point I want to make is that whole idea of living on in the hearts of your friends and family. Makes the bitter pill of death a teensy bit easier to swallow.

Who have you found on Facebook?

More gratitude, please!

It's been some time since I "blogged". I guess, part of it anyway, is that life has been very hard lately. I have chosen to not work a full time job because I have a mum who has terminal cancer. She doesn't drive and is too stubborn to leave her house and come live with us. I need to be able to take her to hospital/doctor visits, the store, the pharmacy, etc. Now I travel with a wheelchair in the trunk as this is the best way for us to get things done together.

My husband has a boss who is not too great on the business end but great in the job he does. This results in problems with paychecks and billing. This trickles down to some real problems keeping the lights on at our house.

Add in some recent water problems in our basement - in my studio room too - and downright panic begins to set it. Several very scary bills on the horizon and no real clear cut path to make sure the money will be there.

I had a little melt down last night. I was in the basement and I thought I couldn't be heard. Turns out, my daughter heard me. It scared her. Now, I know we cannot shield our children from all the bad things in the world but I really felt sheepish. We had a long talk about how we deal with the "bad things" in life. How freaking out never really solves things or makes us feel better (at least beyond the first minute or two ;) . We talked about how "hard" life is right now. Then we looked at all the amazing things we have in our life.

I have a mom who is 83 years old and is still here. She can walk and talk and still be an inspiration. She was married to my father for 60 years and in love with him for most all of that time. ( I say most all because we all know that living with anyone can get on your nerves here and there.) In April, he will have been gone for two years. That was a bad time. He lives in our hearts and we remember him almost every week.

My mom just got DSL installed in her home. Cool, eh? She has lived in her home since 1956 and I don't know if she will ever be able to end that chapter of her life. We have asked her to live with us. So far, no go. But there is enough love there that that is an open ended option. Unusual? In talking to others...yup.

I have a husband whom I adore. Yup, I adore him. Do I want to smack him sometimes? Okay, sure. Again, normal I think, right? When he hugs me I feel safer. Period. Don't know why he can do that..but he can. Last night, I told my daughter ...you can read the paper and watch the news and every day there are terrible stories of unloved, unwanted kids. She has loads of people who love her and her mom and stepdad head up the list. There's safety. Always.

Someone asked recently.."when are you happy?" Was it when I was singing? Was it music that made me happy? I thought for a minute. If you know me at all you know that music is my life. I do love all aspects of it....but happy? When I am with my husband and daughter I am happy. It's an easy decision. It can be at the dinner table or watching a movie..anything.. That old happy thing creeps up and is right there under the covers along with our cat, Amy. As Kander and Ebb once wrote.."It's a Quiet Thing".

Did I mention my talented, smart, lovely daughter? Okay...don't have the time to write all my thoughts here about her. She has been my reason for being the best me I can be for a very long time now. I love to watch her "becoming". I love to listen to how she sees the world. I feel confident she will, one day, "give back" to this planet and it's people. Not sure how yet..just know it.

I have friends. Not a slew of them. A handful of really close friends whom I admire and love. I have lots of friends who kinda know me and that's cool. I have a handful of friends who really know me ...and still like me.

Money...sigh. Still working on a friendship there. Maybe I can work through why that's been a rocky road for me but I will say that I am actively courting it, trying to make it more black and white/green. Trying to see it as a tool and I am working to learn the skills to operate it.

I am so thankful that I can see this most every day. I can see that I have a loving family - I haven't even mentioned my in-laws and bro-in-law. I do believe I am loved and that is really what keeps me going. Geez, that is schmaltzy, eh?

Damn if it ain't true.

So glad I can ramble here and get some stuff out of my head. If you have read this far...you must really be bored! Go read a good book! Or call me and let's do lunch.

Cross that off. Make it coffee - it's cheaper!