AAAAAIIIIIIEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!

Have a nice day!

One last night.......

Tomorrow the frenzy begins!!!!!

Ya got three days!

Creepy, eh?

He's swimmin' wid dah fishes now, eh Boss?

Ooohhhh noooooo

Getting closer....!

Five more days!!!

I love Halloween!

I love that fact that Halloween can mean so much to many different people. Enjoy!

To sell my soul.....or no?

This is a representation of my frame of mind, at present. You see, I need to make more money but I am tied by a couple of factors. Number 1: I have a mother who is in her 80s and who has terminal cancer. She does not drive and relies on me to be the door to the outside world. Number 2: I have a young daughter who attends school outside our district so I have to drive her every day back and forth. Number 3: I have a varied resume that may baffle most companies. Number 4: I have a loving and wonderful husband I wouldn't trade for anything who is also artistic and therefore, relatively poor.

I have worked several kinds of jobs and one I did for 6 months was the zaniest. I don't really want to go into it here but, suffice to say, it is not at the top of my list. There are some perks - no travel, no transportation costs. The down side is there is an element of selling my soul. I know your interest is piqued, right? Tough.

I'm sure you all have had these moments where you need to decide what is important to you. What that is for me is having a flexible schedule so that I can be attentive to the needs of my mother and daughter. Can I stand on my head and whistle "Dixie" for six months...? Sure, if I need to.

Being an artistic person can be a drag. Sure, it's all good to be talented and have people ooh and ahh you when you perform. Who doesn't love that? But getting enough scratch together to pay the health insurance....ahh there's the rub as Will S. once wrote.

So, do I do what I do on my own twisted timeclock or do I grab a job at Starbucks and make low money but score health insurance? That is my dilemma. I didn't say it was rocket science I was dwelling on today.

Sigh. Life is hard and demands great effort.

Period.

Sigh...memories

This is one of my favorite places on earth. These are the remains of the castle in Tintagel, England. Tintagel is on the west coast and it is the supposed home of the legendary King Arthur. The building ruins are on a finger of land that stretches into the ocean and is divided in the middle by waves crashing on the rock and wearing it away. Basically, it's a bit of a hike to get where I am sitting - in the below picture - but SO worth it. I remember that it was "closing time" when this was taken and I seriously thought..."I could stay here all day.. What are they gonna do? Hike up and yank me out of there?" Of course, being British it would be a very polite encounter.





I am English as well. My mum was a war bride who married an American serviceman during WWII. She came to this country on ship with other brides all bound for new lives as American wives. Gee, that kinda rhymes, eh? Her journey is the basis for another posting. More later.





Anyway, this spot is so beautiful that these pictures can still invoke the calm and peace I felt as I looked out from that wall. This was the same view the 13th century inhabitants had. What thoughts went through their heads, I wonder? Did they ever feel the need to get away from it all? Hmmm. I think about stuff like that. What did Lady 13th Century think about as she gazed out over the sea?

When the conquering Normans reached the westernmost land of England they heard that the ancient seat of Cornwall's kings had stood atop this soaring headland, surrounded on three sides by the ceaseless surge of the Atlantic. So in propaganda terms it made sense for Earl Richard of Cornwall, younger brother of Henry III, to build a castle on the spot where his legendary predecessors had held court. There was no strategic reason for the choice, as there had been for the other Norman castles in Cornwall, Launceston and Restormel - and Earl Richard rarely stayed there.

All I can say is it's a great destination and I highly recommend making the pilgrimage.

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year!

Hallo everyone! I love Fall. You? This season makes me think about my past and makes me feel I need to organize myself. One of those "time is of the essence" kind of feelings.

Summer you are living in the moment. Being in the sunshine on a beach - you are really there. Summer is kinda short around here so we tend to try to do alot and make the most of the warm days and nights. Spring is the proverbial awakening after the long sleep of winter. Spring is a feeling. Taking off your coat for the first time in months. Wearing short sleeves WAY before it's really warm enough to do so. Winter is the time to reconnect with friends and get close again. There always seems to be a bit more time to linger over coffee when it's Winter and there's more snow on the way. I do love Winter.

Fall...ahhh now there's a complicated season. A season of change, a season of death, a season to get ready. Hey, I'm only writing things from my viewpoint! That's how I see it anyway. It's a time to be a bit more introspective. Funny I chose to start a blog in Fall.

Coincidence? I think not.

"What are you gonna dress as...?"

These are my loves last Halloween. My kid is counting the days - today it's 15 more days till Halloween!!

That was a big topic of discussion for most of the month of October when I was a kid. Remember? I dressed up as a witch, a gypsy, a monk and the Band Director on the S.S. Titanic, to name a few. What did you chose?

How do our costumes manifest our inner vision of ourselves? My kid has chosen a costume called "Countess of Darkness". Whoa. My honey loves trains and so he chooses to be a train engineer from year to year. I haven't dressed up much the past few seasons. Maybe it's time to pull something out.

What about a female Dalai Lama costume?

It IS the little things!

Who said..."Don't sweat the small stuff?" Anyone know? I'm not sure you want to worry about them but it sure does pay to appreciate them. I mean, really, isn't Life just a bunch of "small stuff"?

Look at this photo. It's small stuff...a Saturday morning drinking coffee and reading on our porch. These are two loved ones. Is it sheer bliss? Nope. Does it give me a warm feeling inside to look at this and remember the cozy factor? You bet. It's a small moment in time but it is big in that it is a small chunk of the iceberg that is the love I feel for these two. The iceberg that includes our home and our life within those walls. Hey, aren't icebergs fragile????? Sure are.

One thing I have learned in this walk, so far, is that life is made up of those BIG moments. The ones that really alter our DNA. Those, thankfully, are few and far between. (Unless you are a crazymaker and then it's a different story. Ever lived with one of those? I have.) It's the little moments when you look at your loved ones and they look at you and you feel the connection that says "you are seen, you are acknowledged and you are affirmed." Sigh. We all want to be seen, right? Take of the mask and look at me. How often do we do that in our day? Rarely, yes?

A friend lost his family in an awful car accident two years ago. A drunk driver took out his wife of 20 some years and their two wonderful, intelligent boys - both under 13. Hit them at 70mph as they were at a dead stop. Now this man, this former father and husband, is rebuilding his life. His DNA certainly altered. Today when you meet this man you get the feeling that he really SEES you. He knows - no grey there - that THIS MOMENT is really everything. No need for b.s. with him. He has no time for it. This man has taught a community of people to look around more. To SEE more. To pass on the love his boys had for life and people. Even strangers. That's hard in a society that teaches kids to not trust a stranger.

I invite you to look in people's faces more often. To pass a spark of life on. It's cool to get it back once in awhile too.

Thanks Gary.

Miss America

WOW! It's October and I missed The Miss America Schlarship Pageant..again! It used to be that I would watch the program every September. No tv show now. Gee, is it on any local cable?

This is from the mid 80s. I was in the Miss Michigan pageant and here we are with our chaperone. I am on the far left. This was one of the more unofficial poses...

I was first runner up that year. Missed going to Miss America by "that" much. I lost to someone who smashed glass with her feet. Whatever.

The next year I was performing in Atlantic City at Caesar's Casino - right next door to Convention Hall - on the Boardwalk. I walked over and saw one of the preliminary nights - there are three before the final night. I met the reigning Miss America that year - a former Miss Michigan - on the final night after the broadcast. Cool lady. We would have competed against each other but she chose to wait another year and not come up against me. She was kind enough to point that out to the folks around her. When I complimented her on her FABULOUS gown she said that she had to give it back the next day and that she would sleep in it! HA. Cool lady. Kae Lani Rae Rafko.

Great program. LOTS of scholarship money. In fact, it is one of the largest scholarship foundations for women in the world. I walked away with money to pay for lessons and classes and a piano. Mostly nice, hard working, smart cookies. It's a shame that the program got too tame for television.

It's a cool Fall day here in the Midwest and I have to say I am loving it!! The color in the trees may be a bit disappointing but I always find Fall so invigorating. To me, it's the "let's get back to business" season. After all the laid back summer months it's that crisp air that speaks to me about new opportunities, a new school year and the upcoming holidays when we reconnect with family. It's sweater weather and I really love that! I am in the process of changing my body through diet and exercise so I have this image of the sweater as a cocoon. My body will be wrapped in long sleeves, scarves and coats for the next few months and, come Spring, I will reemerge as a butterfly. For now, I am happy to snuggle down into the covers in the morning to savor the last bit of body heat, enjoy the changing skies and figure out ways to prepare lowfat/no sugar comfort foods!

Amy the Cat

My cat thinks she's a stuffed animal. Can you pick her out of the group? She's on the far right.....

So many folks believe that cats are standoffish and can take or leave the human touch. Our cat thrives on it, demands it and disfigures herself when deprived of it! Yup, she licks her fur off when left alone too long. In short, I have a needy, slightly neurotic pet.

Sigh. I suppose it could be worse. She could tear into the garbage or pee on the floor.

Animals do have a way of calming you down. At least, that's my experience with cats. We have a gerbil too but it's not the same. Sure, she's cute and all but it's not like she'll stand for any cuddling. Amy is a first rate cuddler.

Love of My Life

This is my husband. I love writing that word. You see, I was always sure I would be married and have children. My parents were married 60 years and were only parted by death. I took the dive once before with disastrous results - with one exception. My daughter. I had really given up on the idea. Then I met Stephen and I remembered all the warm fuzzy feelings that had been locked up and shoved under the attic beams. I never thought we would end up together. He was just the lovely thought in my head when the world was very dark for me. He is an amazing mixture of the old and new. He is also a wonderful stepfather and he is most certainly the best life partner for me. Yes, we do have some differences...think Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher. Bottom line, the chances of us making it to a 60th wedding anniversary are slim to nil but I'm going do the best I can to get close to it. I love him very much and I like him an awful lot too. That's the reason I said yes.

Ladies of the Night ;)

I really think that our friends have become the new "extended family". Gone are the days that Aunt Mildred and Uncle Ernie lived next door and your sister and her family bought the house down the street and Mom and Dad lived with you. I am blessed with some amazing friends. I hope you too are so blessed. I have a group of women I call my Three A.M. Friends. These ladies are the ones I would elect to call with some dire need in the middle of the night. Two of them are in this photo below. And, of course, I would expect them to call me if they needed to hear a friendly voice in the wee hours. I lost my dad a year and a half ago and it was truly my friends who were there to keep me walking and talking. Them and my lovely husband. He wasn't my husband back then. I haven't even told you about him yet! One of my friends was/is on the west coast and couldn't be there but she and I burned up the phone lines something fierce and I knew she was there/here in spirit.

So here's to you, ladies of the night. The best kind. Thank you.

It's a bit later.....now

Sigh. It's after dinner, after rehearsal, after getting my child into bed..... Yup, I am a mom. I came to the job late. I spent my 20's doing what I wanted to do. This continued till my mid 30's. I searched for Mr. Right spending the odd night with a few potential Miss Rights... I was looking for the right spark at the right time. Unfortunately, I was at a low point after a lovely relationship with a lovely man - all my gay boyfriends had crushes on him - ended with a tearful goodbye and well wishes. Fish Head Bob was a great guy but he was once bitten twice shy and we were never going to walk into the sunset together. Enter the asshole who became my ex-husband. But I'm not in a ranting mood tonight. Let's talk about Fish Head Bob.

To give you an idea of the two years I spent with him..... And ladies, here's a dating tip.

DATING TIP #1: If you see a cute guy....get his biz card.

Yup, I was at work when he walked in. He was in a suit and I was wearing no makeup. I felt there were sparks and I was feeling at loose ends so I thought...why not? He said if we had any questions to contact him and so....

I CHICKENED OUT AND WROTE A NOTE.

DATING TIP #2: Be charming in a note.
That way, if he rejects you you never have to see him again! Hey, it's easy to blow off a guy you've only met once, right?

So I did. I wrote a note that mentioned us meeting and that I felt there were some sparks. Soooo ...could I buy him a drink? I wrote that if I didn't hear from him I would assume that he was either married, not interested or thought I was an ax murderer.

DATING TIP #3: References to graphic violence get attention.

Sure enough, it was the ax murderer line that made he decide to call. So we met at a local bistro and I looked casually fabulous. He was blown away and I was delighted. He bought the drink and dinner.

Second date.....I am not making this up. ICE FISHING with two other guys! For FOUR HOURS.

This guy is a country mouse - loves to hunt, fish and be active in the wild. I am the city mouse. I wanted to prove I could run with the pack. Right.

Third date was ice skating on an open pond. Okay, so I spent an hour on a friend's homemade rink and thought I CAN DO THIS. Never mind that I have not skated since David Cassidy was on the front of every teen magazine. (Do NOT ask who David Cassidy is. That's what Google is for.)

A half hour into the date I fall and break my wrist.

I KEPT SKATING. True it was about 5 degrees out but I kept going. City mouse! HA!

Next day....not good. A cast and pain and two days later he calls to break it off. Not ready .....feeling too much.... not wanting to get involved....and sorry about the wrist.

Sigh.

Good news. He called back 6 weeks later. Been thinking.....can't get you out of my mind.....can we try again....?

DATING TIP #4: Let them go and if they are meant to come back they will.

Or

JUST KEEP SKATING!

I went on to more dates, more injuries and lots of great sex with this lovely, tormented guy. But ...alas.... He really did mean it when he said (on our first date) "I never want to get married again or have any more children. You?"

DATING TIP #5: Girls, they really do mean what they say and YOU aren't the one that can change him because you are all that.

Bag of chips or not, LISTEN to them when they said crap like that. Say thank you when they buy you a drink and then go home. He is not the one you're going to marry and have 2.5 children with.


Yeah, I knew that but I still dated him for two years. Go figger.

Great kisser though.

My life as a raconteur... HA! I guess if you "live" enough you end up with some great party fodder. I guess my personal motto would be:

"He/She that has the best stories wins...a seat at the grown up's table."

Wherever that table happens to be... Nirvana, Valhalla, Hell, Michigan or somewhere in the ether.

Have you ever seen " What Dreams May Come"? Excellent movie with Robin Williams! It really sums up my personal thoughts on what happens at the end. Check it out and have a box (make that two boxes) of kleenex at the ready.

Some of you may recognize the famous Irish flute player, Sir James Gallway, in the above shot. (James was knighted in 2001). He is a great guy and, of course, a fabulous musician. He does like to tip one now and again and was in fine form that evening, as I recall.

I think I was too.

Witness Protection Program

Can you believe it? This was me a mere six months ago. You see, I like to change my look every now and again.

Oop! Another cover blown. I guess it's back to that dairy farm in upstate New York.

Sigh....

Another Saturday Night and ...whoops! I have somebody!

Does anyone ever listen to Cat Stevens anymore?? I remember going to two week summer girl scout camp in 1970 and the troop leaders had one album - the vinyl type with COOL album art. One album played and played and it was Cat Stevens.

Sure, now he's cool Muslim Dude but back then he was just a great folksy, gutsy singer. Sigh. DISCLAIMER: I can appreciate where his beliefs have taken him.

About 15 years ago I heard that he would be in Ann Arbor lecturing and I went to see him with a friend. It was the worst event in terms of organization. He arrived 45 minutes late. There was an armchair and a floorlamp on stage. The only amplification was a boom box with a microphone plugged in! No shit. That's how the lecture was recorded too. And when that side of the tape was finished it turned the whole machine off. And so NO Brother Josef until a follower ran over, turned over the tape and pressed record again. Wow.

Brother Josef - (our man Cat and what a cool name btw!) spoke for a time and then an American woman got up to speak on the joys of Islam. She also answered questions from the audience. Now, the audience was not quite so attentive and kind as they had been to our hero. I finally got to ask the one question on my mind for ages regarding Islam.

"May I ask....? I understand that women drape themselves to mask feminine charms and so be more on par with men. I understand that premise and I admire that! However, are you saying then that Islamic men are unable to control their biological urges and so admitting that women are stronger willed and not so easily swayed?"

My question was never answered. She pretended that there was no more time to answer questions and so I guess I'll never know......

Does anyone see my point?

First Day Out

Wow. I have (finally joined the BLOGGER GENERATION..... GenB.. There, I have coined a new term.I have wanted to be able to "publish" my memoirs in this form for some time now. I will warn you.... there may very well be X rated content here although it will be offered in an artful way... Some of you out there really let it all hang out - sorta speak - doncha? Whoa. In my span of time living on the planet I have gone with the flow on numerous occasions and, so it stands to reason, that I would have a few good stories to tell.

Let's see.... I have travelled alot by some peoples' standards and not at all by others. I have travelled alot alone. One is always able to jump into a situation if there is no one with you that needs to be cajoled. This has let me to amazing experiences.... A few that will appear here...

Communing with ghosts inside "Il Colosseo" at night.
Visiting a well know BDSM club in NYC.
Partying with a middle aged hippie in the now closed down Christiana district in Copenhaven.
Finding the best Okonomiyaki shop in Kyoto after a late night bar hopping session.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Okonomiyaki_2.jpg

Okay, that's travel stuff..

I am kinda new to all the cool linkage stuff so I need to get a bit more educated. I am not that far from the pen and paper days so bear with me.

So.. I am a child of the 60's, a freespirit coming to age in the 80's and a parent in a new century. Whoa. Can you relate? No? Well read on McDuff!