This month we (the Royal we) started back to school. Miss Mallie is shown here getting ready to go off to her first day of 6th grade. Fall....sigh. A time of new beginnings. I'm having a bit of trouble with that. I think it's a bit of depression. Never really dealt with it before I lost my dad and my mum got sicker. I'm hoping it will clear up - like Michigan weather. Wait a minute and all will change.
Has it been a minute yet?
I heard a great sermon at a service I attended recently. The day was Rosh Hashanah and I had been invited by one of my voice students. Very cool, indeed. The sermon (I guess they call it that in a synagogue) was delivered by a rabbinic student. This woman talked about Facebook and how one of her former students had found her. He remembered her for her love of the music of The Ramones. Here is one of her favorites...
"I Wanna Be Sedated"
Twenty-twenty-twenty four hours to go I wanna be sedated
Nothin' to do and no where to go-o-oh I wanna be sedated
Just get me to the airport put me on a plane
Hurry hurry hurry before I go insane
I can't control my fingers I can't control my brain
Oh no no no no no
Twenty-twenty-twenty four hours to go....
Just put me in a wheelchair, get me on a plane
Hurry hurry hurry before I go insane
I can't control my fingers I can't control my brain
Oh no no no no no
Ba-ba-bamp-ba ba-ba-ba-bamp-ba I wanna be sedated
She spoke to that wish that, at times, we just want to be cut out of it for awhile. But, obviously, we can't. Not long term. I just lost a dear old friend because of that very issue. She wanted to be sedated - to NOT deal, in general, with life. I used to marvel at the things that would flip her out. I admit, I kinda thought she was acting like a baby. I understand now that she couldn't get over those "minor" things because she never dealt with the "major" things in her life. Sedation, in the form of alcohol, took her from us....way, way too early.
This sermon went on to tell us about someone she knew who was sober for the first time in 25 years. He realized that he was emotionally stuck at 15 - when he started to "sedate" himself. He never felt pain and so...he never grew.
He never felt pain and so he never grew as a person. Wow. Heavy, huh?
So maybe it's growing pains that I am experiencing. My daughter complains of those all the time. She is getting taller by the minute and is always complaining of her legs hurting.
Hmmm. So maybe I am just "growing".
Well that sucks.
I went to my girlfriend's grave on her birthday. Labor Day she would have been 48. I spent about an hour there, talking to her, bitching at her, crying over her. It was quiet there, at the cemetery. Restful, even. I felt okay when I left. I was happy that no one had come upon me talking to her. I even sang to her. I'm still mad at her. And I miss her.
Growing pains. Yup, I guess so.
