Weird Space

I'm in a weird space. (Say, anyone ever wonder why the I before E rule doesn't apply to "weird"?)

Anyway....! Ever have this feeling..? A shame ball in your stomach? And it just shows up. You have not done anything bad per se. Yet, this feeling covers over you...

I recently found a friend of mine. Someone I was very close to 30 years ago. I have thought of this person, from time to time, and wondered...what is she doing these days? Found her. On Facebook even! I sent a quick message...no reply. Through my post another friend contacted her - reply!

Now somewhere in the ether of my youth there was a time where this person had suspicions about me that were false. I think the reason she has not responded to me is...she still believes I acted against her...with her then husband. Oddly enough, I had a great working relationship with this man because we did not have any "involvement". Here's the kicker...I am feeling shame..! Why? Because her incorrect assessment diminishes me. Yet, if it is a basic untruth...how can it?

So what is it? I think there must be some "shame ball" (my made up concept) that is planted in each of us. For some, it remains small and only occasionaly makes it's presence known. In others, it grows out of control like a cancerous tumor. I know the emotion comes from my head but I feel it in my gut. Like I am about to called to principal's office. I cannot control my friend's thought process - obviously. I guess this emotion is mixed with a dusting of sadness. She has not thought about me and therefore, our friendship all those years ago was not as close and deep as I remembered it to be.

Now who had the incorrect assesment, eh?

Closing night of "Joseph..."

Well we have closed yet another show. "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat" was a success for many reasons. The company branched out to another location and we enjoyed being in a real theater! The Berman Center for the Performing Arts was fantastic and we made the most of the experience. The cast had a great time, the crew did well and we will be back!

The best part of it was the chance for Mal and I to work together. I was the Stage Left Stage Manager and she was my right hand man..er...uh..gal! I am blessed to share these kinds of experiences with my blossoming tween! The last photo is of Cathy, one of our narrators and my "sister" and Lauryn, our creative director's daughter. Thanks ladies!

Amazing footage

For many years, my mother donated money, in my honor, to this wonderful organization. Enjoy and, if you are like me, shed a tear over the sheer beauty of the moment!

For my mum...

The last two scenes of "Gypsy"

Rosh Hashanah

Self-examination and repentance is an integral part of what makes us human and able to move in our world. I will be thinking, today, on how I can be better and to think back over those I have wronged.

I am sorry if you are one that I have wronged. I was probably listening with my ears and not my heart. I am working to be a better listener to what you say ...and to what you leave unsaid.

Last day of Summer

Yup, it's Labor Day! And. true to Michigan's changeable weather, it is a full 30 degrees cooler than Friday or Saturday. Whoa! Mother Nature is really reigning us in to gear up for the start of School and Fall.

I spent the early morning, as I have for awhile this summer, on my porch. With a cup of strong coffee in one hand and a good book in the other ("In Spite of Myself - a Memoir") I sat with my yoga blanket over my knees and drank (!) in the cool, quiet air. So still. Sigh. Really, really nice.

I thought about my parents and how they loved to sit out here. I miss them. I thought about my friend, Kimber, who would have caught up to me tomorrow - her 49th birthday - and how we will visit her grave instead of having cake together.

I thought of the summer happenings...

My first garage sale and how fun (and work!) it was. Shared it with my friend, Nicole, and how that really jump started our friendship.

Music Sunday when the JAPC choir rocked out with some amazing music and how wonderfully my husband conducted and kept us under control.

My new glasses - after alot of years - replacing my little blue number.

Seven weeks of Summer Theatre Camp at the Barn and out in Milford.

The fun of hanging out with the Warner Clan over the 4th of July and all of us at the Quonset - inside and out! The boat ride with Kori and the cousins. The fireworks over Traverse Bay. Hanging with Adam, Mal and Steve at the Lake. Meals at Rolling Farms Cafe, Flap Jack Shack, Sleders and Amical!

MOOMERS!

Mallie and I being part of a film - "I Hope You'll Smile" - and hanging out with the Edwards Family. What a nice evening of crying! (We were part of a funeral scene.)

Stephen playing L'Inferno at the Traverse City Film Festival and the feeling of walking up to the theatre and seeing his name on the marquee!

Mallie starting cello lessons.

Anna's mum's funeral - all those amazing quilts displayed that her mum made coupled with a really lovely service. Add in the wonderful afternoon spent with Jeanne and Kathie at the St. Clair Inn.

Doing "Dream Dinners" with Mallie and making 48 portions in 2 hours! Fun.

Attending a little going away party for Julie C. and enjoying the company of our church family.

Women's Sunday and the lovely evening spent at Marieke's house - finding out what I want to be when I grow up! Totally jamming at 80!

Stephen and I,in concert, in Indian Village's Centennial Park on a lovely, breezy afternoon/evening. Eleven songs back-to-back!!

The lat three days of August with Mal and Q: Torch Lake and sleep over at Kori's. (The two of them tubing, Q. kissing Max and a long slow drag across the lake, feeling so deliciously relaxed that I put slugs to shame!) Showing Q Leland and eating my final "South Shore on Pretzel bread" of the season. Hiking to the beach of Pyramid Point, coming to the quiet, deserted, pristine beach, skinny dipping in broad daylight. (My child says she is scarred for life and we have the pictures to prove it!) Moomers, of course. The Woodland Herb Farm,(Just south of Northport. A place in business for 37 years and I think I have stopped there almost every summer of those years!) shopping at Jaffe's. Then toddling over to Black Star Farm Winery for a great lunch at Hearth and Vine with Kori and Tony. Yum! Walking around Suttons Bay and driving past the amazing Japanese house!

And here we are. Savouring the last morning and the amazing COOL! It will all end with a porch party at the Fergessiens. Food, drink and laughter.

All in all, a grand summer!