Time.....

Wow. I just realized it's been three months since Mum passed away. Three months! I have been very, very busy and I guess it made the time fly... For that I am grateful. It made time start up again after it seemed to stop with her death. It still seems like it was 2 weeks ago. My mind keeps dwelling on her last evening and the amazing things that happened then. I guess it will take some time to process it all.

Next Tuesday is my birthday. Not a big deal, really, but I am feeling a bit low about it. The one thing that hit me and made me realize time rushing past was this. Every birthday of my adult life...no matter where I was.. my mother and I shared a birthday tradition.

I was born at approximately 8:30 in the morning. Every March 2nd, at around 8:30 in the morning, I would call her and say "HAPPY BIRTHDAY"! After all, it was a birth day for her too, eh??

Last year, she was in the hospital recovering from a heart procedure - an offshoot of years of damaging chemo treatments.. I called and spoke to her in her room...and she apologized for not doing anything for my birthday....

My mother made me feel special all year long. She never failed to send me cards and letters and always spent time finding something cool and fun for a present. She spent alot of time looking for just the right card as she never wrote much in it except for the words - I love you, Mom...and the year in the corner. This was harder in the last few years as I drove her everywhere. I always knew to keep my distance when she wandered over to the card section. At the end, I wheeled her over and left her so that she could look with a bit of privacy. When my dad was alive, we'd wander the aisles together and point out our favorites, laughing over the really funny ones. We'd positively cackle over some of them.

Over the years, my mum cooked many wonderful birthday dinner. She knew I loved her cannelloni and gladly spent time making the fiddly dish. Other times it would be roast beef and Yorkshire pudding or a wonderful fillet Mignon. Some of you reading this may well have enjoyed those fabulous meals with me. Weren't they great? Homemade cake too with that wonderful cream cheese frosting. She always worked hard to decorate it and was disappointed, in later years, at her shaky hand!

The years she spent without my dad were hard - three and a half - and I can only hope I helped her as much as she helped me through that time. Then, we didn't always celebrate birthdays on the date. Often, we'd have a lovely dinner out. She had a harder time enjoying them but she loved to celebrate. She loved her family and knew the importance of spending time together. After all, she missed out on a lifetime with her mum - seeing her only twice in her adult life after she left England. In fact, I recently found a telegram from January 1970 from her step father telling her of her mother's passing...it read... Mummy passed peacefully. Stored with that telegram was a Christmas card that could only have arrived a week or two earlier signed by her adoring Mummy.

I will miss hearing her voice next Tuesday. I can't tell you how much.