Learning from the Past and steeling for the Future.

I just spend a half hour reading over logs I have kept since my divorce from my daughter's father. Because of his bizarre behavior, I've kept a rundown of incidents for the Friend of the Court.

I will reprint a few choice items here so that I may have a page to refer to the minute I feel sorry for this man. This is someone who is so lost and so sick that he really needs to stay away from children, period. The funny thing is...he was a teacher in a public school system for years!

A word on the content.. These entries run from 2003 to the present. My daughter is now 10 years old. Hester was Glenn's live-in girlfriend, for a time. She lasted two years. Mallie still misses her. Parker is Mallie's half brother. Miss Teresa ran a wonderful in-home daycare in our neighborhood. With her daughter, Iesah, these woman were powerful supporters of my girl and helped me so much as I was working in Rochester Hills & Shelby Township during those first years as a single mom.

These entries jump all over and it really doesn't matter what order you read them. It's Chaos, plain and simple, and I hope you can begin to understand how hard life has been dealing with this man. I have no more sympathy or empathy for this man. There is no Christian love in my heart for someone who throws away the love of a child - flesh and blood, at that. This is also to remind folks, who are quick to judge, that divorced people with kids must work within the confines of court mandated child visitation. Friend of the Court is overworked and incapable of helping in cases such as mine. I was told that I must follow the visitation set down but that, if anything happened to my daughter while she was in her father's care, I was responsible, being the custodial parent. This is where the Voice of Reason must be obeyed and steps in when things are way tooooo dicey.

And please take note... Crazymakers are sick people and there is NOTHING that can make them "right". Run from these people. Divorce these people. Limit, if possible, your child's involvement with these people. And, most importantly, don't beat yourself up for trying to hang in there. Sometimes you have to cut bait and paddle away. There is no "sense" in what happens with these tortured, sick people and they want to take you down with them. Period.
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Wednesday, June 25th. Mallie had spent the night with her father. Glenn called to say that they were still an hour away and that they had been to “Parker’s pool”. She was dropped off around 11pm. The next day I rec’d a call from my ex-brother-in-law and he asked if Glenn had returned from Bayfield, ONT. I realized that the “pool” Glenn had mentioned was at the cabin that Parker and his family rent every summer in Canada. After speaking to Parker’s mother I found out she had asked if Glenn had a copy of Mallie’s birth certificate for the purpose of crossing the international border. Glenn replied that he did not and that he would have had to let me know he was taking her out of country and so had decided against asking for it. (This was a couple of years before laws were changed about traveling to Canada.)

*August 19th, Tuesday. Glenn was to pickup Mallie from daycare. I found no one at his house. I came home and got a message from my friend, Lisa. Her children are in the same day care and our daycare provider had called Lisa to ask that she pick up Mallie – at approx. 6:35. The day care had been closed a half hour, at that point. Glenn could not be reached.


October 21, Tuesday. I called to make a doctor’s appointment for Mallie. The office informed me that we were in collection for non-payment of debt. No appointment time could be given until the matter was solved. I was able to establish that the bill had been sent to Glenn’s house sometime in April 2003 and a follow-up certified letter sent on September 9, 2003. No response from Glenn on this. I prevailed upon Glenn to give us the balance and we were able to see the doctor the next morning. Mallie was in great discomfort by then – she was diagnosed with a bladder infection. Later that day, (10/21) Glenn was pulled over for a minor traffic stop and found to be driving on a suspended license. He was handcuffed and the car impounded.

*December 23, Tuesday. Glenn had asked to have Mallie overnight. Parker was to have been picked up and the two children would spend the night and Christmas Eve day together. Glenn never showed up to pickup Mallie from daycare nor did he call Parker’s mother to explain.

January 26, 2004, Monday. I received a call at work, from my mother, letting me know that Mallie had been left at daycare – again. (This happened 22 more times that year...) No sign of Glenn and no return phone call. I was forced to leave work early and drive home to get her.

Week of March 27 – Mallie was sick all week and did not go to school. Glenn did not see her claiming he was unavailable and I had to take her with me, all week, to the hospital as my father was admitted with a broken hip. (My father did not recover from his accident and died on April 5th.)

Week of July 24 - Monday Mallie called and Glenn asked her to come to the U.P. (where his family lives) on Wednesday. Departure pushed back till Thursday. Glenn shows up an hour and a half late. Later, gets pulled over and all in the car have to be driven to the police station. Car is impounded. Sunday I pick Mallie up at the Mac. Bridge and Mallie tells me the story of the pull over. This explains why Glenn’s brother has driven her down to meet me.

(Finally, I went with a week's summation as there was so much to cover!)

Week of October 2 – Tuesday I pick up Mallie at Glenn’s. He is sleeping so soundly that he does not wake even as we stand next to his bed and call him. I leave without speaking to him. Both TVs are on and loud.

November 26, Wednesday. Glenn had asked that Mallie spend the night. The agreement was that he would pick her up from daycare and take her for the night. He even mentioned taking Mal and Parker to the Thanksgiving Day Parade downtown. When I returned home that evening there were phone messages from Miss Teresa and my mother. Hester picked Mallie up and drove her to my parents. Glenn never showed nor did he call to explain.

April 8, Thursday. Miss Teresa told me that Glenn had not paid her for the previous week. Without payment she would not be able to take Mallie. I called and left messages with Glenn as did Teresa.

April 9, Friday. Good Friday and a vacation day for Glenn. Still no call from Glenn.

April 10, Saturday. I called several times (from Thursday on) to ask if Glenn wanted to see Mallie for the holiday and as we were leaving town for a few days, a chance for a visit. He called very late that evening to ask to see her before church the next morning. We had to leave at 7:45 a.m. so no go. After so much laxness on his part I did not feel the need to accommodate him. I also told him that he needed to pay Miss Teresa. I don’t know the status of that at present.

April 12, Monday. Mallie and I left for 4 days vacation up north. During that time away Mallie dropped the bombshell that she had observed her father snorting cocaine. At the dinner table she said…”it’s funny when Daddy takes that circle thing and takes the lines of white powder and sniffs it up his nose”. (Mallie was then 4 years old.)

April 15, Thursday. I called Glenn when we returned home and Mallie spoke to him. Mallie has started to see a child therapist.

February 23, Monday. There was no communication from Glenn over the weekend. He did not respond to my phone messages. I spoke to his other ex-wife and she also had not heard from Glenn. We are both apprehensive about the children spending solo time with him without their sibling.

February 24, Tuesday. I arrived at Glenn’s house to pick up Mallie.. At first, he made me wait outside in the cold. She finally opened the door. He was extremely agitated and upset. He got into my face and started to call me a “fucking controlling bitch”. This was in front of Mallie. I kept sending her away to get her things as he did not seem to notice she was there. He bumped his chest into mine and was very aggressive. I kept my voice low and did not match his intensity because I was really afraid that he would really go off in front of Mallie. He was still calling me names as we walked out the front door.

February 25, Wednesday. Glenn and I attended court. It was set up that Glenn would take Mallie Tuesday and Wednesday nights (I am to pick her up at his house) and every other Friday and Saturday – Friday 6pm till Sunday at 6pm when he is supposed to pick up and drop off from my house. Glenn preferred less parenting time. He would not take her that weekend because it was inconvenient. The court ordered that the weekend schedule would go into effect March 5th.
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This has been a wild ride for years, as you can see. Currently, Mallie has not seen her dad since June 21st of this year. She actually called him a couple of days ago and they had a 10 minute conversation. He never suggested the two of them getting together. He lives about a 5 minute drive from us. I allow her to call him whenever she wishes. This was the longest she has gone without speaking to him since the divorce.

I can't say why I am putting all this down now. I guess to remember that some people are incapable of change. I have learned hard lessons and will never again question the Voice Of Wisdom in my head. I am very proud of the person my daughter is today. She is smart, loving, practical and kind. Thankfully, her father has melted away, for the time being, and my girl has grown to understand that her father has many issues and problems to combat. She does not blame him but his "mind which is not right",-her words. She is an outgoing, beautiful person and I am so very proud of her.

For those of you who have come across this blog randomly and recognize your struggles here in my words, take heart. Hang in there and talk to your kids. They need to know what's happening so that they can figure out their reaction to it. My daughter knows that, deep down, her father loves her. As they say in step groups, she knows to hate the disease and love the addict.

Thanks for listening.