Walking past the line

Okay....here's the deal. We all want to CHANGE something in our lives, right? We agonize over how the process will  start. There are so many obstacles. Can I follow through once I start? What if I fail...? That final thought stops the process and we go back to complaining about X and Y. Sound familiar?

Ending a bad relationship or marriage
Taking control of a messy, unorganized house
Speaking up and talking to that person you need to say something to
Making a budget and getting control over finances
Controlling your weight
Starting an exercise program

Yup, all these things are hard to get a handle on. How do you draw the line in the sand? Sand...why sand? It shifts constantly?

Or....do you wake up one morning and realize that, somehow, at some time, you walked over and past that line? You have pondered and "composted" the idea for awhile and now you are sick and tired of being sick and tired....yup. That old adage.

So...all weekend I have been hot flashing like crazy. Yikes. And it's not even summer yet. I am going to be miserable all season....all seasons! This is not changing. It is getting worse. I had a good 6 months off from this. Poof. Done! Cool! (Pun intended!) This Menopause stuff is a lark. HA! HO HO! I am finished with it all, free!

Right. Oh and the weight gain. Right. Tried South Beach. Loved it. Dropped 25 pounds. Gained it all back. WHAT? Crikey.

Today I am embarking on a whole new deal and I am going to work on blogging about this, every day, to keep on track with what I am doing. I really need to get a handle on this or spend another summer - year - of feeling miserable, wearing clothing sizes that I find whacked and not taking care of myself. That last one is the kicker. I have a wonderful family and I want to live into my 90s and THIS ain't the way to do it!

So...over the line I have gone. Hadn't planned to start this program today. Hadn't done the shopping, didn't have the foods in the house...etc. ALL CRAP. Old thinking. Not doing that.

Scrounged around and found enough to start off. Will go shopping later. Done. Started. Let's go. No more crap.

This morning I did have a small cup of coffee. A no-no according to the Fast Metabolism diet but it was my last hurrah. No Splenda...and little half and half.. Not good for the UNWIND portion of this phase. Tweaks the adrenals too much. Time for a café vaca.....ouch.

Strawberries for a snack. Not ready for breakfast
Breakfast: a cup and a half of wild rice and cut up strawberries. - low on the recommended fruit!
Lunch: Cantaloupe, brown rice and adzuki beans with some blood orange balsamic vinaigrette
Snack: An orange and snap peas
Dinner: Crockpot filled with cubed B/S chicken breast, wild rice, chicken broth, canned tomatoes, chopped onion, chopped mushroom, garlic, basil and oregano.

And we're off. In this program, Phase I  and Phase II are  two days and Phase III is three days.
I can do that. Mixes it up. Four week program. I'm gonna give it a whirl. You can do anything for a month, right? Maybe, I will love it.....  That's my hope because I need to probably do three rounds of this to get more comfortable in my skin.

And.....I'm off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

P.S. One more thing. I saw a man at church yesterday who is changing his life in a big way. He is the incredible shrinking man and he is looking great. It's a long, slow process and he has a ways to go but the empowerment you can see in his eyes. Exciting. Jumping on that bandwagon!

Musical Season!

Good morning all!

Hope this finds you well! May I be the first to say ..HAPPY SPRING! Okay, I know I'm early but today I need to remind myself that we are close! It's confirmed as it's high school musical season - the true harbinger of spring!

Saw an AMAZING production last night at Walled Lake Central. They are doing "Hairspray" and I have to say it is worth the price of admission! This is a great show with a great cast. Go see it! Next week we are planning on supporting our local high schools - North Farmington and Farmington High - performing "Grease" and "Beauty and the Beast". We are blessed to have so many opportunities in our area to celebrate the arts. Watching the heart of the kids last night onstage - it was overwhelming.

This was in a program from last week's choir concert at my daughter's school...

Why do we teach music?

Not because we expect you to major in music,

Not because we expect you to play or sing all your life,

Not so you can relax,..

Not so you can have fun...

But rather,


So you will be human. So that you will recognize beauty. So you will be sensitive.

So you will be closer to an infinite beyond this world.

So that you have something to cling to.

So you will have more compassion, more gentleness, more good.

In short...more life.

Of what value will it be to make a more prosperous living unless you know how and why to live?

That's why we do what we do, truly, every day.

Thanks for reading.

Triggers

I love theater and movies. I love to get so lost in the story lines and the performances it's like I wake up when I leave the theater. Like I have been lost in other stories that, somehow, have some threads attached to me. I guess, deep down, they do. As art reflects life it also reminds us that we all experience the same emotions, highs and lows of life - a collective consciousness that is like a low wattage current flowing and encircling the planet. Sometimes those threads trigger memories or remind us of deep longings that may never be quenched. Sigh.

I just took myself to a movie - in the middle of the day! Made me feel just a little like I was skipping class for some odd reason. It was a little birthday gift to myself as tomorrow is...well another one. I saw "Silver Linings Playbook". Really, really great and I can see why Ms. Lawrence won her Oscar.

The theater is only a few miles from home and only a mile or so from where I grew up. I might mention here that only two days ago I was lucky enough to go see the musical "Next To Normal" which is also fabulous and also deals with a family dealing with bi-polar disorder.

Okay..I digress for a moment... The music is FANTASTIC and I would HIGHLY HIGHLY recommend seeing this show. As good as "S.L.P." was this musical was AMAZING. Okay...back to it.

Anyway, having dealt with people in my life with this disorder and watching it pull at their lives....it is funny that I have had these two cultural experiences back to back. One - it is great that people are finally talking about the issue of mental health and illness. Two - how much it can touch the people around the patient. Three - and this is the real reason I guess I was drawn to writing today.....we are all so important to each other.

So I am driving home and thinking over the film. The strange family dymanic is intense but the love is evident. Then I started to think, as I was near my childhood home....  Fifty one years ago, today, my mother was alive and pregnant. My father and my brother were waiting for me to appear. Our little house was near fields and all that I was driving through was not there then.

Then, out of the blue, it hit me in the solar plexus chakra how much I missed my family.My parents and my brother (who is alive but grown up like me and living far away) and our little house and our family life. How little things were important, like birthdays, and how much I wanted to walk back into that house and look back into my own childhood for just a moment.

It was an "Our Town" moment, for sure.

I haven't cried over my parents' death in a while now. Mum's been gone since 2009 and Dad since 2006 but that pain felt like it was an instant ago.

And now I think about how special my mum always made me feel on my birthday and I think that there is a little piece of me that is gone. It's not a big dramatic thing, this piece, but I can feel it's sharp edges and it can cut deep....deep. That piece broke off when I became an adult orphan and  - okay bear with me  - I felt released into the wild with no protection.

In fact, after sitting in a rather cold movie theater - I was dressed warmly  - the outside air was so bone chilling. I mean really cold. Did the temperature dip while I was inside? No idea.

Okay, I digress in a big way. Hey, that's what blogs are for, I guess...

Bottom line...art, theater, movies and music continue to thread us all together so that we are really not all alone out there. It reminds us that every feeling we have ever felt has been experienced by those we love and those we will never meet. Kinda blows that whole 13 year old angst I used to feel. You know the one - no one understands me and I am all alone.

Bull.

Just go to the movies. You'll see how wrong you are.

2013

Happy New Year folks!

And so it goes... We just got a mailing to remind us about HIGH SCHOOL ORIENTATION at the end of this month. Yikes!!! Class of 2017 here we come!

TA DA!!

The doctor says...I CAN SING AGAIN!!!

Here is a page which talked about Adele's problem...just like mine only her hematoma was bigger and nastier looking... Yikes!

It happens folks. The rule of thumb is...trust your instincts! I felt my hoarseness was different - in the absence of any cold or drainage - and I got looked at. Only vocal rest was needed for a cure. I think Adele had to have a little laser work on that blood vessel.

Been reading about Enrico Caruso...amazing man! His voice took tremendous strain and overuse. His schedule was WAY over the top.

Okay..that's it. Just wanted to share the good news!

Okay...so it's been awhile!

Howdy readers.

It has been a bit of time since I last wrote and time & events have passed without my comment. So.... here goes! Walking back in time...

Peter Pan curtain call

The Lost Boys, Peter and Wendy. Mallie is 4th from the left.

 Mallory and I are involved in youth theater productions, as always!. She was a “Lost Boy” in Peter Pan which ran the weekend before Thanksgiving and, in addition, I have started work on Little Mermaid. Mallory will stage manage with me. The show will run in February 2013.

Steve has been very busy playing a couple of silent Japanese films the last month. Apparently, the Japanese made silent films till 1936 which incorporates  a thing called Benshi. It is the traditional narration done by a live actor along with music. Very interesting. Steve also did a magnificent recital with a percussionist on Sunday, 10/21 and it was great to have the Warners in town and staying with us. The unfortunate thing was that I was also to have appeared on the concert. 

I went to an Ear, Nose and Throat doctor on the Friday  (10/19) before and a vocal scope proved that I had a ruptured blood vessel in my right vocal chord with some bleeding behind the folds. This very thing happened to the singer, Adele, only she had it on both sides! I was ordered to immediate vocal rest for six weeks – no singing and limited speaking! The good news is that the chords can be restored by rest and I have a great doctor will do another scope tomorrow to see if I have been a good enough girl. You can imagine how it’s been running youth theater rehearsals! I have spent alot of time at home and away from people so as not to talk much in the daylight hours. I have had to cut out all voice lessons, church choir and teaching at the Montessori until next month. With the aid of a voice amplifier and NO SINGING I was still able to run the rehearsals with the help of some of the staff. Yowee!! Luckily, with Peter Pan finished and Little Mermaid now into blocking and dance rehearsals, I am off the hook with the youth theater till January.

Mallory had a wonderful three day trek to Washington, D.C. with members of her 8th grade class. They left on a Saturday night and drove through the night so as to make the most of their time. Highlights included a tour of Mt. Vernon, The Ford Theater, the National Cathedral, Arlington and the Tomb of the Unknown Solider where they laid a wreath, all the major monuments and a ghost tour of Alexandria, VA. They arrived home early morning on Wednesday tired but very happy.

Okay, this wild thing happened to me as well in October!!! The day before I went to the ENT,  I was teaching my usual round of music classes with the 3 ½ - 5 year olds when I noticed that one of the children was slumped down on the rug. We are all on the floor and sometimes the kids will take advantage of the relaxed rules to lie down on the rug we are on. This time, when I spoke to her, the child did not move and it was then that I looked at her face and realized something was terribly wrong. Her eyes were blank and she was not breathing!  The teacher asked me if everything was okay and I told her to call 911 immediately. She did and another teacher cleared the children out of the room while I rolled little Ava over on her back and started chest compressions. It was an awful sight – her eyes weren't focusing and her mouth was turning blue. The director of the school came in and, together we worked on her till the EMS appeared. Her mother and grandmother came and they all went to the hospital with her. She was awake and talking by then. She was running a fever and they were able to confirm that she had had a cerebral seizure. At 3 ½ it is amazing what you can come back from. They actually released her later that day. Wow! I must admit, when it was happening I was cool as a cucumber. When the technicians started asking questions about what had happened I started to fall apart. In fact, one of them asked if he needed to treat me as well! What a wild day!

To continue the strangeness, my next appointment, that day, was to teach a voice lesson at a Frank Lloyd Wright house! Yup! One of my students had a great aunt who had commissioned him to build her house in the late 40’s. We decided that since I was keen to see the place and there was a lovely Steinway there that I would come there. So after this scary, emotional morning I found myself, in the afternoon, in a lovely space, at a nice piano looking out over a pond and gorgeous foliage. Wild, eh? I was still able to sing but the hoarseness - in the absence of any cold - made me look for an ENT the very next day.... Yikes!

I was also able to go visit my "cousin" Hazel. She is my father's first cousin and I have never really figured out how that works so I just consider her a cousin. Poor thing is suffering from advancing dementia.  I did call before I drove to the facility - very nice, btw -  and she was so excited to hear from me. I had the weekend to put together a photo album of lots of old and newer pictures to take to her. I found the place and was let in by a woman with a heavy Eastern European  accent. The reception room was very nice with a fire place and all. She went looking for Hazel. Turns out she was in a day room, of sorts. She looked really good and had a big smile on her face when she greeted me. She was a lot more “with it” than most of the other residents. We went to her room for our visit and I was surprised to see her little white dog there. I guess as long as the dog stays in her room she (?) is allowed to stay. I must admit, I felt very sorry for that little animal. Kind of a dismal life. All the doors have the residents’ names on them. Hazel seemed a little unsure as to which was hers. I was there about 90 minutes and we had a good visit. I gave her the album and we spent a lot of time looking through it. She cried over all the old pictures. She knew every person in them too. It was a little hard as she would say…every minute or so…”so you’re Leonard’s daughter!” There were many times when she would try to tell me something and she could not find the correct words. I tried very hard to follow her intent to get to what she was trying to say. It was difficult to hear her speak about my parents as if I did not know them. She feels that they had turned away from her and I kept trying to steer her back to something else. Of course, I had to stop telling her that they had passed away as that upset her every time so I would, again, just try to change the subject.I noticed, in the visitor book, that her son, Dan,  had come the day before so it seems her sons are in and out. She claims no one comes to see her. She told me that she feels that she is more “engaged” than the rest of the folks there and I would agree with her. Most are incapable of speaking. Her room is very nice and has an attached bathroom. Her dog is great company to her, as you can imagine. In fact, every time she cried, which was often, she would sit and lick her arm. She did so enjoy the photos I was glad I had taken the time to make the book for her. I will visit her next month with another one – I have so many of my grandmother’s photos too – and it will be a great basis for conversations. She did not recognize herself in any of the photos she was in. I must admit it was very difficult to see her but I was glad to be able to spend time with her and see her smile. 

Now on to the present. We had a lovely Thanksgiving up north, per usual. It was warm on the holiday - 60s! The next day it snowed...of course! We stayed at Stephen's cousins' house on Long Lake. A lovely place built in 1899 and across the street from the Lake. Really nice and we enjoyed the change. This is a shot of us as we took a walk, before dinner, along the bay. As you can see, it was a really beautiful day.

The 3 of us on Thanksgiving Day enjoying the Bay!

The sleeping loft at the house

The stairs leading from the loft.

This is at the bottom of the stairs - kitchen to the left and living room straight ahead. We had the Macy's parade on!

The cool enclosed porch!

Looking out at Long Lake.

Hope your holiday time was great! Onward to the end of the year!!!

Halloooo?

Hi everybody.

Okay. Confession time. I started this blog in September of 2007. Been through a lot of life since then - haven't we all? This has been the place for me to pour over my feelings,  to keep a memory safe and to indulge in what I love to do - write.

Question. Is there anybody out there reading this? I guess it doesn't really matter to me as I plan to keep on...keeping on. However, a word here or there would be appreciated.

Feeling a bit isolated.

You?

If  you are reading this...take a moment and ramble around. Tell me what you were attracted to and what you thought was dumb, silly or cool. That way I will feel a bit more IN the world today.

Thanks!

P.S. This photo was taken at the Townsend Hotel as we enjoyed am anniversary tea to celebrate my folks and being married for 60 years. It was a good day.